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Debates Round 2: What They Should Really Be Talking About

Tonight marks the second Republican debate – this time hosted by CNN – this time still featuring idiots. It makes no difference what station these people appear on, though perhaps there will be less riotous applause from the audience when the contestants (because this is America’s greatest pageant) spew hateful rhetoric. Although, it’s still the republican debate, so I assume the… Read More »

Kim Davis: The Religious Right’s New Jesus

We officially have a new martyr for the political-Christian cause, ladies and gentlemen; Kim Davis, the Kentucky court clerk who refuses to issue marriage licenses for gay couples, despite a recent Supreme Court ruling telling her she must do so, as defined by her job description. But listen guys. Before you judge her too harshly for workplace incompetence or, like,… Read More »

Fox News Forgets! But I Remember…

It all started with Megyn Kelly and her damn period. Wait, that’s not it. It started with a Fox News debate. Start isn’t the right word. There’s nothing new going no here, just fresh stories. The tsunami of bullshit and misdirection has merely continued on as scheduled, though with slightly blonder hair. It all continued, as it will, with Megyn Kelly… Read More »

Fox News Hosts Republican Debate: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

In case you haven’t been keeping up, there are now seventeen contenders for the Republican presidential nomination. Seventeen, you say? I’m also confused by this number. I found a list of thirty-seven candidates, actually, so seventeen seems a bit modest. But seventeen is the number that most people consider to be serious, so let’s go with that. Though this number could be… Read More »

Pluto: Greece of the Galaxy

Pluto: Greece of the Galaxy

It’s been a big week for small places making news. NASA sent the New Horizon’s space craft into Pluto’s orbit and it took photos with more detail than we’ve ever seen before. Pluto is officially round. Thank you NASA, thank you scientists, thank you space race. We got him!! I know very little about space. I know there are worm holes, I… Read More »

Menstrual Hygiene Day and Why it Matters to YOU.

LAAAAAAADIEEEEEEESSSSS! It’s Menstrual Hygiene Day. Do you even know what that is? If you follow me on instagram (@alala_news) or twitter (@alala_news) you will have seen the thousand and one posts I made about it today. You didn’t know it was happening? NEITHER DID I, until I woke up and then jumped on the beautiful hashtag bandwagon (#menstrualhygieneday, #menstruationmatters). And… Read More »

Kim Kardashian for President

It’s time to bow our heads and embrace our future. The future of Ms. President Kardashian. Before you get angry, I just want to walk you through this for a second. I’m going to take you on a sensory journey unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and I think by the end you’ll agree with me. We need Kim Kardashian to… Read More »