If you’re anything like me (and I assume you either are or you want to be…) then there are words that just rub you the wrong way. I can’t really explain it but whenever people utter the following words, I get very mad. Sometimes it’s justified if the word is offensive or outdated. Other times it’s just my fucking weird neuroses that make certain words un-hearable.
Here they are. Let’s make 2015 the year where these words (and phrases) stop existing. (And no… It’s not like those other lists that say we should stop using “bae.” I don’t use that word because I’m a fucking adult. You can easily avoid that word if you are also an adult. The following is much more specific and much more important.)
1. Buddies. This word creeps me out. What the fuck is a buddy, even? Bud – dee. Bud-D. Buh-dee. Bub-dee. Boob-dee. Boob-dies. I think you’re telling me to die because I have breasts. See how uncomfortable that makes me – understandably? You get it.
2. Thug. This word wasn’t always bad and, to be fair, it’s not always bad now. I guess what I’m saying is, you shouldn’t say this word if you’re on the news. Or if you’re white, in reference to someone you saw on the news. Or if you’re scared of someone walking up to you on the street. Basically, if you’re Fox News, stop saying that every black kid gunned down by cops is a thug, okay? It isn’t working for you anymore.
3. Adult beverages. Come ON, already. You’re adults. You can say alcohol. You can say you want to grab a drink. You can say you want to get drunk. You can be extra classy and say things like, “I want to drink so much I pass out,” even though you probably shouldn’t because you’re not eighteen anymore and none of your friends like you enough to take care of you. But maybe that’s just me. I don’t like you enough to take care of you. Either way, referring to any sort of alcoholic drink as an adult beverage makes you seem really fucking stupid.
4. Plants have feelings, too. I don’t eat meat. I have a lot of reasons to not eat meat and I rarely share them with people because you meat eaters are super sensitive about your mouth murders (hahahaha see how I turned that around there?) Regardless, you eat what you want. But if one more person says, “you know, plants have feelings, too,” in response to my turning down their bleeding burger, I am going to break my three year streak of no meat and literally eat your face.
5. Slut. Oooookaaaaay. Women and men should just stop using this word. There isn’t a male counterpart. Sure you could call a man a slut, and at least recently people are, but better yet let’s just all stop judging each other on our sexual exploits in general. I legitimately don’t care how many people you have had sex with. And ladies, if your man sleeps with another woman, maybe she’s less of a slut and maybe he’s more of a scum bag. Just put it to rest.
6. Meninist. (Same holds true for misandry and antifeminist.) This one got me into a rare (and AWESOME) Twitter dispute the other day. Meninists got angry that feminists were so exclusive that they came up with their own exclusive word, because the only way to achieve social reform and respect is to completely misunderstand the point of a movement and then do what you say you hate in order to prove your uneducated, and grossly simplified, point. It’s like a kid who is mad they have to eat broccoli, so they eat all the broccoli in the house and then puke everywhere. You guys are green puke.
The problem with the word misandry/misandrist is that it’s often used against feminists as a way to negate the experience of the woman in question. And those woman who legitimately hate men? They are not the definition of feminist, so there is no need to linguistically retaliate at all. It seems that people think feminists are man-hating, labia-munching, power-hungry, sociopaths. And you know what I say to that? Send me a picture of that person because they probably look crazy awesome. You can’t scream misandry to every woman who gets angry with you for being an asshole – just like a woman really can’t say some man is a misogynist because he doesn’t find her physically attractive (unless his reasoning is mysoginistic… But I feel like I’m confusing you now.) I’m not oppressing you with my opinion, you just refuse to acknowledge it and in turn validate my points. (Isn’t it great? I literally can’t lose here. Thanks for making my job so easy.) ALSO… for those men who have been abused, raped, and hurt by women, feminism is about making your voice heard as well. You shouldn’t be called a pussy in response to being hurt by a woman…. because pussy isn’t an insult (remember?) and you deserve to own your experience as it occurred.
7. ______ – shaming. Let’s let it go. We are really hyper-sensitive. Notice before, when I told you to stop telling me plants had feelings? I didn’t say I was veggie-shamed. I’m more appalled by your lack of originality. Seriously, if you’re going to make a joke about a choice I have made, say something impressive like, “I heard vegetarians are so lacking in nutrients that they keep small babies (aborted babies, no less) in their closets and feast on their blood at night to satisfy their needs.” That is some shit I’d be interested in hearing. (Side note: I’m vitamin b12 deficient so if babies really do help with that, I’m ready to try it.)
I got sidetracked.
You are entitled to your feelings and should stick up for yourself if you feel someone isn’t treating you well, but you don’t need to be shamed every time someone doesn’t like you or your choices. I’m empathetic to a point but you gotta have some self-awareness about your situation. Sure, people should just lay off the choices of others – I really don’t care what you think about me and what I do. But let’s just leave it at that. Do I need to read an article about how you were gluten shamed at a liquor store? Not really. (I did read an article about that the other day. It was actually really well-written and talked about important female perspectives, but that’s a whole other thing. The actual shaming was fucking idiotic and did not need to be mentioned.) You know who’s allowed to feel shamed? People who are bullied for real things – things outside of their control. Don’t you feel like an asshole when you’re talking about being shamed for something stupid and then you see that a transgendered girl killed herself because her parents told her God didnt love her? (RIP Leelah Alcorn.) Don’t you feel like an asshole? (I’m shame-shaming you right now.) If the “real problem” meter doesn’t apply to you, then focus more on your own self-esteem, so that other people’s opinions don’t phase you to the point where I have to read a two page Facebook status about the guy with a dog down the street who shamed you for liking cats that one day. Take a deep breath. Everybody loves you. (False.)