Fox News Forgets! But I Remember…

It all started with Megyn Kelly and her damn period.

Wait, that’s not it.

It started with a Fox News debate. Start isn’t the right word. There’s nothing new going no here, just fresh stories. The tsunami of bullshit and misdirection has merely continued on as scheduled, though with slightly blonder hair.

It all continued, as it will, with Megyn Kelly at the Fox News debate. Donald Trump, front and center, was smacked in the face with her hard-hitting journalistic integrity and female prowess. Or so I’ve been told. All I saw was her asking him some questions that it seemed she had thought about. The questions were good and well-researched, as I would expect any journalist in this position to do and was happy to see Fox News actually accomplished (until the god question). All in all, despite the fact that every man in that debate said something derogatory about gays, women, and people suffering in this economy, I wasn’t that disgusted with the Fox debates.

Afterward, I read some statements that were made and was surprised how offensive they were. For instance, Scott Walker doesn’t believe in the necessity of abortion rights even when the mother’s life is at risk. It’s this archaic and sociopathic bullshit that I seemed to miss while I was marveling at how utterly ordinary all of the candidates were. See, I expected them to be worse. I knew Donald Trump was going to say some shit – though it was a bit disconcerting to hear the crowd cheering on his responses. I expected fire to fly out of the candidates’ faces and the wrath of god to rain down upon the stadium. And judging by their answers to the question of whether or not god had spoken to them about their political aspirations, their gods did not seem to have much interest in the affair at all. Except, “go for it, dude,” it seems like god dgaf about them. Which is cool with me.

But back to the point.

Megyn Kelly is extremely smart and she makes very good television. She beats the ratings of all other news channels during her time slot and she often confuses conservative guests who think they’ll be given a free ride on the network by asking them potentially unflattering questions. It keeps people guessing, keeps liberal audiences talking about her, and garners support when someone attacks her for being a woman – because we can all respect the job she is doing.

…Kind of.

Because here’s the thing about Fox, the thing that continues to happen: they forget their own stances, as long as they don’t like the guy they are talking about. Megyn Kelly with her “hard-hitting” journalistic integrity asked Trump about The War on Women and his role in perpetuating it. But Fox News and Megyn Kelly do not believe in The War on Women. They’ve made it abundantly clear on numerous occasions that The War on Women is a farce, a made-up term by liberal media meant to divide the country. And, though she could just be asking for the sake of good journalism, it’s hard to be supportive of that when it’s asked by someone who has such a clear disregard for the rights of others. It seems more likely that, once again, they support something until it’s perpetuated by someone they don’t like.

Fox News made the audience that supports Donald Trump. They created a group of viewers who are bloodthirsty, righteously angry, and scared. They believe that Mexicans are raping their children and that sperm will somehow crawl inside their virgin daughters and impregnate them if they walk into a sex ed class. But they make GREAT television. They had me sitting in front of my TV watching a bunch of dudes talking about shit. And then they recapped it. And then they talked about it some more. It was like watching Oscars coverage, if the Oscars consisted of a bunch of untalented and unattractive people sitting onstage not winning things.

This cognitive dissonance continues with Fox’s reaction to the EPA toxic water spill in the Animas River in Colorado. Because the EPA made the mistake – accidentally dumping water in the river while attempting a pollution clean up – this clearly indicates that all government agencies with any sort of regulatory system are the demon spawns of Obama’s liberal-Muslim agenda.

I am not condoning the EPA at all. I am not a big fan of government, especially our system. I think most government agencies – the DMV, the post office in Bushwick, Congress – are a waste of tax dollars and should be reorganized so that my whole life doesn’t feel like death when I interact with or am effected by any of them. But I do believe that regulation, when used appropriately and correctly, can be useful. By regulation, I do not mean taking your guns. I mean, making smart gun safety laws. I don’t mean forcing everyone to have an abortion. But I do mean allowing for the freedom to choose a medically sound option.  I don’t mean closing all the banks and never letting a banker make any money again. But I do mean…. no… I mean that one. (Kidding!! Just reinstate the Glass-Steagall Act and I will be super happy!!!!)

Anyway, I’m not surprised that a government agency fucked something up. They made a mistake, they may not have listened to the proper channels, they may have acted poorly. And they should be punished for that; the water cleaned up and people should pay.

BUT FOX NEWS.

Ima need you to slow your roll.

You are super angry about the EPA by blaming it for something that you condone other companies do. You use the government’s mistake as an obvious indicator that government regulation is a scam, but when other companies blatantly disregard this regulation, you say they shouldn’t be penalized because FREEDOM and CAPITALISM and WHO CARES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

You’re confusing me and my head hurts.

But I can’t even fault you because people like it. I even like it. I watch you every day. And my relationship with you is making me question all that is good and holy in this world. And my answer to that is there is nothing good and there is nothing holy and YOU DID THIS TO ME.

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