Posts Tagged 'hillary clinton'

The Election That Fear Built

Okay. It isn’t funny anymore. I’ve been feeling kinetic. Manic. My anxiety is tangible; it drips down my fingers like the juice from a recently peeled orange. I stick to the table with it. I have energy but I can’t move. It’s either the election making me feel this way or this sick case of PMS I got. I could just be… Read More »

Men Who Can’t Deal: Birth Control Edition

I’m going to take a break from grinding my teeth in dissatisfaction with Donald Trump’s possible impending presidency and discuss something else important. You know what I’m talking about. Birth Control. The BIG BC. Contraception. But this time, special twist, I’m talking about the male kind. “The what???” You gasp, intrigued and elated and, admit it, slightly scared. That’s right. Boys can take birth… Read More »

Rules for Becoming President

I’m compiling a list for those who may not be in the know. 1. If the pussy isn’t  yours, you must ask permission. Why? Because they could bite you. Furreal, pussies are not playthings. Just as you would not approach a rogue kitten on the street and attempt to cuddle with it (for one, fleas) you should not approach a… Read More »

Kim Kardashian for President

It’s time to bow our heads and embrace our future. The future of Ms. President Kardashian. Before you get angry, I just want to walk you through this for a second. I’m going to take you on a sensory journey unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and I think by the end you’ll agree with me. We need Kim Kardashian to… Read More »

Indecision-Ville: 2016 Election

Aren’t we all so tired? It’s April of 2015, the election is a year and a half away, and sometimes I catch myself turning on the news and letting out a long, extended sigh of apathy. And sometimes that sigh of apathy makes me choke and then I cough a lot because I am out of shape. And then I… Read More »