Posts Tagged 'obama'

Trump’s Biggest Fault: Making Cruz Seem Reasonable

You could use many words to describe the 2016 presidential election. Perhaps you would choose, “long,” “terrifying,” or even, “egalitarian,” if by egalitarian you mean that you believe that all people deserve the right to become president… even the ones that don’t. Personally, I would choose, “crap,” “misleading,” and “can’t-you-just-kill-me-already?” But I respect your choices. I’ve stayed pretty silent this… Read More »

Debates Round 2: What They Should Really Be Talking About

Tonight marks the second Republican debate – this time hosted by CNN – this time still featuring idiots. It makes no difference what station these people appear on, though perhaps there will be less riotous applause from the audience when the contestants (because this is America’s greatest pageant) spew hateful rhetoric. Although, it’s still the republican debate, so I assume the… Read More »

Should Voting be Compulsory?

It’s Monday and the one thing I’m looking forward to today is my impending appointment with a new psychiatrist. So. This week is gonna be great. Just so great. The good thing about psychiatrist appointments is that I will be totally sane and fit to perform my duties as a citizen of the United States. As a side note, I… Read More »

This Month in the GOP: February

This Month in the GOP: February

February is a bitch of a month. Though it holds the least days, the freezing temperatures and back-to-back snowstorms make it feel unending. It is the epitome of the monotony of winter; the holiday lights are down, the new year has passed, the resolutions are forgotten, and I’m just a fat, freezing mess of a woman, refusing to get out… Read More »

Obama to Congress: I’m Not The Only One

Obama to Congress: I’m Not The Only One

Obama sure seemed tough at the State of the Union, bragging about the elections he’s won, but now the speech is over and it’s back to business as usual – Congress is back to ignoring him and he’s back to… wandering Central Park in the snow. Here he is singing to Congress, wishing for friends, throwing some balls, and just… Read More »

SOTU In One Sentence (for the kids!)

SOTU In One Sentence (for the kids!)

Obama came out to a general spattering of applause and apathy to talk about his presidency, while Biden took his seat beaming like the inside of a sunbeam, and Boehner put a tiny tic tac in his mouth, sucking and sucking until his face turned into an asshole button, before Obama got right down and dirty with some shit on… Read More »

New Year New Congress That’ll Fuck You

HAPPY NEW YEAR! By now you’ve packed on all the weight that is reasonable (until Valentine’s Day) and you’ve probably attempted a juice cleanse that ended face deep in a bag of chips. (No?) Remember kids, juice cleanses aren’t ridding you of your addiction to food, they are ridding you of food entirely. That dizziness you feel isn’t withdrawal, it’s… Read More »