Posts Tagged 'vaginas'

Rules for Becoming President

I’m compiling a list for those who may not be in the know. 1. If the pussy isn’t  yours, you must ask permission. Why? Because they could bite you. Furreal, pussies are not playthings. Just as you would not approach a rogue kitten on the street and attempt to cuddle with it (for one, fleas) you should not approach a… Read More »

Trump’s Biggest Fault: Making Cruz Seem Reasonable

You could use many words to describe the 2016 presidential election. Perhaps you would choose, “long,” “terrifying,” or even, “egalitarian,” if by egalitarian you mean that you believe that all people deserve the right to become president… even the ones that don’t. Personally, I would choose, “crap,” “misleading,” and “can’t-you-just-kill-me-already?” But I respect your choices. I’ve stayed pretty silent this… Read More »

ABORTION! a love story

What happens when a woman meets her uterus for the first time? PICNICS! ROMANCE! ADVOCATING FOR EQUAL RIGHTS! Special thanks to all involved in this one! My writing partner and co-producer, not to mention an excellent uterus: Kolyn Brown Back-up Dancers: Ilana Webber and Dana Thomas The Priest: David Neutche Carly Fiorina: Lara Mahler Cinematographer: Jack Curry (www.heytheremynameisjack.com) Audio: Kyle… Read More »

Planned Parenthood: Battle of the Babies

Planned Parenthood: Battle of the Babies

I also wanted to call this piece, “Why Arguing About Abortion Rights Allows Politicians to Fuck You (And Make You Keep the Baby),” but I thought that ran a little long. As evidenced by my last post, I’m very tired of abortion. I’m not tired of having them – god no – I’m just tired of hearing people argue against them. I think… Read More »

Debates Round 2: What They Should Really Be Talking About

Tonight marks the second Republican debate – this time hosted by CNN – this time still featuring idiots. It makes no difference what station these people appear on, though perhaps there will be less riotous applause from the audience when the contestants (because this is America’s greatest pageant) spew hateful rhetoric. Although, it’s still the republican debate, so I assume the… Read More »

Kim Davis: The Religious Right’s New Jesus

We officially have a new martyr for the political-Christian cause, ladies and gentlemen; Kim Davis, the Kentucky court clerk who refuses to issue marriage licenses for gay couples, despite a recent Supreme Court ruling telling her she must do so, as defined by her job description. But listen guys. Before you judge her too harshly for workplace incompetence or, like,… Read More »

Menstrual Hygiene Day and Why it Matters to YOU.

LAAAAAAADIEEEEEEESSSSS! It’s Menstrual Hygiene Day. Do you even know what that is? If you follow me on instagram (@alala_news) or twitter (@alala_news) you will have seen the thousand and one posts I made about it today. You didn’t know it was happening? NEITHER DID I, until I woke up and then jumped on the beautiful hashtag bandwagon (#menstrualhygieneday, #menstruationmatters). And… Read More »

Kim Kardashian for President

It’s time to bow our heads and embrace our future. The future of Ms. President Kardashian. Before you get angry, I just want to walk you through this for a second. I’m going to take you on a sensory journey unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and I think by the end you’ll agree with me. We need Kim Kardashian to… Read More »